Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
