The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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