having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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