My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
