I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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