i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
only if we run a train.
done.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
