I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize