woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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