11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was CRYING into my vagina
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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