I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
