too bad you live with your parents still
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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