thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
