I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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