why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
