I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
