why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
