Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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