I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you win again, gameday.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
