I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize