He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
