i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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