Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
