Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
