hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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