his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
