So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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