you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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