I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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