We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
