Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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