Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
