I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
