i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
