so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
