I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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