It's like a parade of train wrecks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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