He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
