Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
