Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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