We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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