You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
