I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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