how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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