i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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