What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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