This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
