I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
