I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
