sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
