Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i don't like sucking hair
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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