we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
