i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
