im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sext me about skeletons
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
