My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
