just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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