38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ttyl tear gas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
