I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
