I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
