so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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