The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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