I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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