hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
