You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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