if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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