Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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