Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
