theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
