why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
