Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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