my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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