i don't like sucking hair
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
