Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
