My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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